I am in a vortex of obligation.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
