My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
