A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
