i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
