My friends, they love my intelligence
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
