Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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