there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
