Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
