Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
