is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
