I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
