Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
