I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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