I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
