i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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