omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And then he peed in my hair
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