Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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