I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
