do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
