if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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