gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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