i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
