I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I could fuck to npr.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
