woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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