Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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