Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
