So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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