another moral hangover. fuck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
