her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize