There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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