So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
