i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
