Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
