it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
