Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
