I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
