WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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