He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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