Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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