she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
