you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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