____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
