I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
