jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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