yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
