Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
