I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
