The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
