somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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