There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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