I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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