did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
