Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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