i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
