if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
