Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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