Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
